Travelogue 1165 – 29 January
A Quote from Mel
Part One

People look to authority. It’s natural. They identify a need, and they cast about for help.

I filled in for a colleague last night, teaching a class of English learners. It was such a nice class. About half the class were new to the Netherlands. All of them were new to English. When you are a beginner in a language, you are helpless. You look to the teacher for help, with a childlike innocence in your eyes. I’ve been there, multiple times. I know what it feels like. I’ve been the student in many language classes; I’ve been the immigrant. Their hopes are high, but the task is overwhelming.

I know that every one of those students has a specific set of reasons for being there. The course a shrewd calculation on their part. Their resources are limited, in both time and money, and this is way they have chosen to spend them. I take that seriously because I know they do. It’s not a frivolous decision to invest in a language. It can be a key to economic freedom, self-sufficiency.

One young man walked me all the way down the stairs after class, asking desperate questions about how he could master the language in the quickest possible way. He had come from Syria. He was married, though very young. He was eager. He believed that English would be instrumental to advancement, through study and through work.

I measure what I say. I have taught for many years. I know what it will take for him, how long it will take. I am positive and supportive. I want him to succeed. But I also have to be clear and transparent. Language study is a long road. I can explain how language learning really happens. There is no magic bullet.

Pundits have created a shorthand analysis for this last American election, repeating that it was all about the price of eggs. But there is precious little being said about prices during the grand Trump 2.0 rollout.

The new American president flies to California to survey the fire damage, and Mel Gibson says in an interview, “It’s like daddy arrived, and he’s taking his belt off.” Setting aside one’s gut reaction to another embarrassing quote from Gibson – wishing briefly one were a daddy who could collect all the microphones in the Republican daycare centre, – there are a few troubling levels to this statement, a statement that no doubt had a few boozy Trump voters cheering.

First is the sentiment that the people need a daddy. If the president is daddy for libs, he is daddy for red states, too. Is that somehow a comfort? The questions it raises about democracy are obvious. It ought to raise psychological questions. The metaphor Mel reaches for as California starts its recovery is, yes, a slimy 78-year-old man giving them all a spanking. Hearing it gives one a shudder. Delivering it and applauding ought to mandate intervention.

Another interpretation of Mel’s gross statement is that, for the gangsters managing this administration, governance is punishment. None of them would have been caught dead voting for assistance for anyone worth less than a hundred million, but those aid systems are a handy stick with which to beat vulnerable libs about the head and shoulders.

They survey the land, from the windows of the country club, and they see no one they want to help. They see only enemies. Is every window a mirror?

Travelogue 1164 – 25 January
Cruelty in Paradise

Before the inauguration, as L.A. was ablaze, Paul Krugman wrote a few articles for his substack analysing the role of California in the nation’s economy. It’s a huge economy, and it contributes mightily into the national pool. Going further, he showed how much more the blue states contribute than the red states, even to the extent that the blues could be said to subsidize the reds. In a quick tally of recent national disasters, it becomes apparent that red states have received much more relief than blues. The blues had not been complaining. Now, red-state Republicans tease California with national relief, holding it up like the treats they are withholding from their younger brothers. They want to attach conditions.

When children do it, we call it bullying. Why change the vocabulary when it’s politics? Who are we fooling? When bullies on the playground do it, they do it because they don’t believe in consequences. Is it different now?

What is behind the rise in public cruelty? I don’t require the chain of events, the blow-by-blow of Trump’s ascent. I want the mass psychology. If we meditate Krugman’s blue-state-red-state story, we understand that red-staters see no consequences to their behaviour. Their blindness operates on several levels. On the level closest to the surface, they are sure that nothing is likely to happen to red-staters for punishing blue states. The very stability of the postwar order has made us doubt even the concept of consequence. Red states will be fine. Disasters are another day, and the Fed is always there. Furthermore, even without their relief, California will be fine, right? It’s all a kind of magic show. Nothing onstage is real.

There’s a deeper level to their motivation, something more significant. The prevalent postwar stability has served to mask the delicacy and complexity of modern society. I see it on the streets. In a city population highly integrated and multi-functional, in which everyone contributes to a dynamic whole, and in which an intricate web of reliance exists, individuals are surprisingly callous and cavalier in their treatment of each other. The woman you push out of the way at the Metro turnstile might be the nurse who treats your child. The man whose music you hate might deliver the parcel you absolutely need to arrive on time. The driver you cut off in traffic might prepare your food. But none of that matters. We take each other for granted, and we have done so for a long time now.

It has gone further. Taking people for granted has advanced to a perverted state of innocence, a belief that we don’t need each other at all. And what does human nature do when liberated from … each other? Apparently, other human beings become as objects to be shunted about like stage furniture. If we judge by the Musk-Trump model, people are to be bought (Greenland), moved out of the way (immigrants), dismissed as inconvenient (inspectors-general), sadistically put in harm’s way (Fauci, Cheney), or made to dance for the price of a few empty promises (J6 protesters).

Liberation! This is the bro-call of the tech lords and the sweaty, right-wing podcast set. How is it that the landscape of their paradise is so arid and joyless and void of love?

Travelogue 1163 – 22 January
A Hint

Returning home from dropping the girls at school, I was startled to see a slanting line across the brick, cutting across the second floor of the building. Above the line was a discoloration, a lightening, a yellowing.

I stopped and looked up into the sky. Indeed, the mist was clearing, and the clouds above were broken. I had become so unaccustomed to seeing the sun, I was actually puzzled by the sight of a morning shadow thrown across the face of the building. It was an unsure line, watery and indistinct, but the sunlight had undeniably come!

Temperatures had stubbornly held around zero Celsius, so I stayed inside all morning, correcting exams. By the time that noon had passed, the scrap of sunshine had dissipated. Glancing outside, I saw that the pavements were wet. The clouds had returned and brought with them some showers.

My joints ache just thinking about the wet and cold city outside the window. The bicycle seats will be wet. Each one will have to be towelled off quickly. The damp will make the bike locks recalcitrant. My keys will be secured away under layers of rain gear. I will have to fiddle with those keys with bare, red fingers before I wrestle on the gloves. The gloves will be wet from the handlebars. My fingers will be hurting by the time I arrive at the school. I will arrive early and wait under the drizzling sky, studying the brick façade of the school, all grey with weather, showing no hint of sun.

Travelogue 1162 – 20 January
Cold on the Track

Yesterday, I was travelling between cities. It was a Sunday, and it was a cold day. There were disruptions in the train service. I was not sure which trains were running and when. The transportation system here is commendably transparent; one can check on the trains at any time. But I was also having trouble with my phone. The battery was not charging properly. I couldn’t be sure that I would find a clear path home. There was no pressing reason to be home early, but I felt adrift.

I stood on the platform at a small station on the outskirts of Leiden. The sun had set; the temperatures were dipping below freezing. A few people milled about on the platform, secure that a train was coming. I could have placed myself on a map, but I could not have assigned any value to the place, other than the name, other than the association with a friend who lived in a nearby high-rise. Across the track rose one of the buildings that make up the cluster of malls and apartment complexes that define the neighbourhood. It rose like a green animal that a giant child had made of Legos, a hammer-headed cow grazing, with stout legs and stretches of high floors suspended in the air, forming bridges above us. It had that industrial, tiled look of modernity. It had the effect of making a cold Sunday evening colder.

Being lost is a vanishing sensation. Our little phones tell us where we are at all times. The internet explains every place to us, offers pictures and tips and guides. It’s a pity, though, because there’s something pleasant in being lost. If you can allow the silence of being forgotten into your heart, it somehow comforts as it hurts, affirms one’s humanity. Being small in a big world can mend some things.

Each alone, we the cold wait on the train platform, waiting for the gears of the great modern project to click. A train will appear. And what if we are abandoned? All the efforts to make the vast machinery of transportation and communication reasonable and transparent are, at the end of the day, only a one-way transmission. It’s remarkably efficient, but it never quite salves the fear of abandonment. The trains could just stop. The phones could blink off. I wonder if the terror inside us doesn’t just build, the longer we are well-served. Because we are helpless.

There was trouble on the track somewhere that morning. There was an electrical disruption. There was maintenance. It was common sense, and it was alien at the same time.

The more successful the machine, the more we fear. Some elementary part of the mind rebels. We weren’t consulted; we did not participate. I shouldn’t wonder if this formed a part of the populist reaction against “elitism”, the urge to apply hands to the world we inhabit.

Travelogue 1161 – 16 January
A Monster Looms

Musk has entered my subconscious as a monster. He haunts my dreams, a monster you never see clearly, but lurks beyond the horizon. He has the dimensions of a Japanese monster, one you would catch glimpses of over the horizon, lurching through the bay, smirking at the planes buzzing around him. He’s the size of history. The film script requires lots of heroes because they are small, human size. They have grit and humour, but they are doomed.

In the book I’m finishing, a character wonders why recent generations have manifested in their entertainment such a need for superheroes. That character in the book has no answer, but I wonder now if it’s the product of history asserting itself in the generational mind, like a monster on the horizon. The Japanese imagined the biggest monster in postwar cinema, the kind that crushed city blocks beneath its feet. This is the culture that had looked into the face of horrific losses, of a defeat as epic as Troy’s, seen cities incinerated by the atom bomb.

History isn’t alive the way we are alive. It isn’t dead either, in the parallel sense that our parents are not dead, but are active in our minds and morals, shuffling around in the attic, as it were. History asserts itself in the imagination. If it isn’t given proper time and perspective, it moves from closet to closet, polymorphous and faceless. We catch sight of it in mirrors; sometimes it flatters us and sometimes it simply stares. When we think we are thinking about history, we are actually reviewing montages we have viewed in TV movies, montages in shadow.

Even in forgetting history, we never shake it. Remembering it, our negotiations never reach more than momentary agreements. History won’t stand still. It asserts itself in the mind of a people, half-digested stories that demand some lodging in the mind, stories that yield wisdom with time and contemplation, with the perspective of our own years. Too often, received history is TV montage, vignettes on the moors. While, down in the bay, a monstrous shadow looms.

Travelogue 1160 – 3 January
The Alien Speaks

Someone manufactures a video for social media. It is black and white and captions itself as recorded in 1964. The camera never moves; it is an interview scene. The subject is an alien, grey, big-headed, with glowing eyes. It speaks English somehow, though in a spooky, gravelly voice. I wish it were smoking a cigarette. Its demeanour is submissive, as an enemy captive’s should be, and it is longsuffering. But it is wise, and it is willing to talk. Naturally, the interviewer is less interested in where the monster came from or its technology than he is in philosophies of life and death.

The two have spent many hours in that room. Time has stopped. The alien explains in a languid manner how unjustified our existential fears have always been. Everything the gurus have told us is true. Death is an illusion, and love is the force that binds the universe together. The alien stares at the camera, docile, resigned, enlightened, and bored. This is what this particular life has come to. Captured by a benighted species of ape, his dashing days as an interstellar explorer have been cut short, and he will grow weak in a poorly lit prison light-years from home, tutoring his ill-mannered hosts in the basics of the spiritual sciences.

All right, I have the few minutes that the video requests. It is a successful bit of fiction: I am moved by the piece, acknowledging it as sophisticated schlock. I wonder who made the video and why. How long did it take? What was the motivation? I suppose it would be fun to animate a creepy alien figure. Then you have to figure out what it would say. The more the figure moves, the more you challenge belief, and thus the attitude of resignation arises. It is an alien; it is smart. It must say something wise. And the product is obvious. This is exactly the kind of thing we would like a wise and hard-bitten old pilot from Planet X to tell us. Relax, it says, the universe is a game, and you have won before you even started.

The video is posted in the manner of a leak. The audience knows it is fake; the author knows that the audience knows it is fake. We all enjoy the process. Inside, we reserve a secret space from doubt. It might be real. But “real” isn’t the issue, if we are to be honest with ourselves and each other. Social media was never a place to find truth or reality. It is a discursive medium. It is, in potential, a place to discuss truth or reality. That distinction is where our alien video finds its traction. It is a rhetorical ploy; it offers a proposition. Though the video is obviously a fake, it says to its audience, “this might be real”. And even though we all know it is fake, we respond with, “this might be real”. An exchange about reality has taken place, and we feel strangely satisfied.

Going further to examine the evidence that the video is fake misses the point. And it doesn’t affect whatsoever the conditional conclusion of the audience that “this is real”. Furthermore, going on to unpack the argument that “this is real”, to analyse the philosophy, to analyse the implications of captured alien intelligence, also misses the point. It misunderstands the method of social media. It’s not discursive in that way. Social media is made for call and response only. It posits a thought, elicits an emotional response. All other comments are meant only to echo and amuse.

Travelogue 1159 – 1 January
Return to Janus

Once again, we have slid through the gates of Janus. On this side of it, we witness a quiet morning. Only the wind by the door. But around the gate, there were such kinetics and noise that one wondered what purpose remained in the minds of the celebrants. People shouted, and people danced. There was joy, and there were noise-makers. In a snapshot of it, one searched for any sense.

In spite of the excess, the movement across the threshold was silent and internal. It happened, quite without volition, without knowledge, and, despite the atomic clocks, it happened without precision. One blinked to find the other side.

Now people sleep. I am left with the image of the Metro ride home yesterday, grim and portentous. It was four in the afternoon, and the many passengers around me were solemn. There was little sense of celebration, and if there was anticipation, it was the sort that dreads. They were people preparing for a storm.

But all right, let’s find some cheer. I stop by the café on the way to the barber. It’s a new year. The morning is quiet, but the line at the counter is long. Most cafes and shops are closed. Here, the customers wait patiently, and even with good humour. It’s a holiday ritual, of sorts. They stand, and they smile. They chat. After the long wait, there’s a table for me. Next to me is a couple of young women who haven’t seen each other in a while. They hug, and they exchange gifts. They catch up; they check their phones. They run out of things to say, but they are happy to see each other. A family settles at the long reading table. They are loud; their energy contrasts sharply with the subdued morning outside. No one is bothered at all.

Travelogue 1158 – 31 December
Echoes of Change

There have been only twenty-seven hours of sunlight here during the month of December. I have a pretty high tolerance for grey, but at last I find myself sinking beneath the unrelenting mood. This grey spell includes the longest streak since the 90s, eleven days without sun.

The gloom combines poorly with the swell of New Year’s sounds. I refer to the sound of fireworks. The cracking and booming do not communicate celebration under the unyielding clouds, but instead a kind of dread. The sounds assault the nerves. They seem violent; they remind one of war.

Losing Jimmy Carter at the end of a tough year, inheriting only the likes of Musk, it becomes hard to hold one’s head high. The low clouds are taunting us, reminding us we have been abandoned. When the crowds bowed to the orange idol, submitting voluntarily to the degradation of the “Trump Era” – the words feel dirty, - then the gods withdrew their favour. Sometimes children must experience the consequences of their decisions.

Searching the web for holiday activities, I noticed that local venues only published summertime photos. The change in seasons happens slowly so that we don’t grieve. But we evolved without photography. The contrast was too sudden for me; those photos drained my resolve. The clouds had stolen all the colour.

Travelogue 1157 – 27 December

The Tree Tries

Plastic trees have no roots. And yet, the roots of the living Christmas tree present the problem. They do not sustain the organism, and therefore the tradition. We have in the past kept our little, potted trees, replanted them and watered them, and still they do not survive until the next yuletide. How can the tradition survive when the living representative of it cannot?

Somehow, the inert green plastic we have erected in the place of a Christmas tree suffices. It does more than that; it triggers a sense of joy. This is the magic, I suppose, of the simulacrum. The actual and the breathing children singing at the base of the fake tree. My very real girls are changing year to year, and the family honours their maturing and also struggles with change itself, in acts such as this one, the raising the tree beside the bookshelves. We want tradition to stop time for just a moment. Step by step, we are losing our sweet little girls. Outside, the world we know is under attack by the unlikeliest revolutionaries in history. And for one week or two, we hang delicate ornaments from the stiff, plastic branches of our tree, in a ritual of familiarity.

The bleak weather holds. The sun I dreamt of two nights ago has not appeared. In that dream, I climbed three flights in order to find more sun but had to be content looking upon its light from within the shadow. We were attending an execution in that dream, an execution by guillotine. Oddly enough, the execution was scheduled to take place after a tennis tournament.

I write in the mornings before the family wakes. Sometimes I research into history, reading here or there, following links. The fifteenth and sixteenth centuries are favourite hunting grounds. Yesterday, after waking from that dream, I happened upon the story of the death of France’s Charles VIII. He was on his way to watch a game of tennis when he bashed his head against the top of a doorframe. It was April, in the first blush of spring. The plastic Christmas tree was well stowed away.

Travelogue 1156 – 26 December
The Sun Tries

We are on holiday. The sun has a chance to rise in peace. The Christmas tree stands in silhouette downstairs, its strings of lights switched off. The line of plushies underneath the tree stare vaguely from the shadows, taking form for the day ahead. The sky outside is becoming white.

Before the holiday, the sun has risen so late that we have been well along in our days. The flat has been abandoned by the time first light peeks in the window. And the choice of verb is just right, because the solstice sun is so timid. It has hidden behind mists all Christmas week. Light drizzles have fallen on us on every family excursion, though that has not stopped us from going out. Not has it stopped many other last-minute shoppers and families seeking some sweets for an afternoon.

We went for a plastic tree this year. It stands fully my height, which is a luxury for us. Without a car, we have been limited to potted trees that could be held in one’s lap on the Metro or gripped while cycling. The plastic tree came in a box with a handle. The girls fell upon the box immediately on its arrival home. They would not rest until the tree was assembled and every ornament or trimming hung. They even found precarious perches for their Christmas earrings. They did well; the tree is pretty. It stands proudly in its stance of tradition against change.

The sun shone in my last dream before waking. I encouraged us to climb to the third floor of the structure in my dream, hoping for more sunshine, but the structure itself put our faces into shadow, no matter how high we climbed. The land around us was bathed in warm sun light. That would have to do.

Travelogue 1155 – 6 December
Summer Furniture

Sinter Klaas has gone. As though in mourning, the skies above Rotterdam have released waves of showers that surged all night. This morning, the winds gust loudly. The roving air clings to night, seems to ward off day with its child-like caprice.

I’m as sad about the old man’s departure as the girls. For all I know, this may be the final time before he evaporates into the disillusionment of maturity. It may have been the last time I get to impersonate the fulfiller of dreams, the last time I get to sneak around in the early morning, leaving gifts. I feel grief.

There’s been a tune in my head, something from my childhood, an old Cat Stevens song I had forgotten about, a song I heard recently at a café, unexpectedly, randomly revived from deep memory. It opened a door in my mind, like opening an Egyptian tomb and releasing the air that preserved ancient things. The papyrus turns to dust instantly. I was flooded by impressions hearing the song at the café. Childhood was vividly present, and then it slowly sank back into its place under the desert.

I thought of my eldest brother. Somehow the song is linked to him in the crypt of memory. Long ago, I visited him when he went to university. We listened to music. He wanted to know what songs I liked. The lyrics of the song were mournful. I liked that.

As a child, I worshipped my big brothers. They were heroes; their characters were pure and good. In my teens, they let me down: they became human. We quarrelled. I was heart-broken, and I blamed them. I blamed them for years. I didn’t intend to, and I thought I was smarter than that, but the resentment settled into a section of the crypt for a long occupation. That there could be heroes was a keystone in the arch of my innocence. Nothing wounds us like our own innocence.

The night’s winds have blown through the open mezzanine and balconies of the complex, tipping over summer furniture, knocking plants over, sending empty flower pots and light plastic chairs skittering along the pavement. There will need to be some cleanup.

Travelogue 1154 – 29 November
Piets On the Map

Despite temperatures being close to zero, parents and their children were milling about in front of the school this morning. Juf Franca, Little Ren’s teacher, told us we were waiting for the Piets. She showed my girls a map on her phone, pinpointing just where the Piets were, across the river. They were running late.

The Piets are Sinter Klaas’s helpers. Sinter Klaas and the Piets have been in the Netherlands for several weeks already. They arrived from Spain in mid-November. That has meant gifts and candies at home (left by the Piets) for two weeks. But it has also meant lots of public appearances from our high-profile visitors, all leading up to Pakjesavond on December 5th, when big gifts will be delivered, and the whole merry crew will bid us adieu. “Hasta la vista!”

Now the Piets are on their way for a visit to our girls’ school. This is something I like about the Sinter Klaas tradition. It’s very concrete, and very Dutch. By contrast, though Santa Claus appears in movies and shopping malls, he is still something of a cross between mythical figure and celebrity, everywhere and nowhere. Sinter Klaas exists on the map. He lives in Spain. He arrives in the Netherlands every year in a very public way. You can go watch him chug into town on an old barge. You can follow his daily itinerary. The Piets are busy scampering around the towns, delivering gifts and engaging in mischief.

The story is absurd. Children scratch their heads at the many faces and shapes of the Piets and Sinter Klaas. They wonder at the timing, at the resemblances to Santa Claus. But they are very ready to roll with it. Why not? It’s less glamorous than nesting at the North Pole and soaring round the world behind rows of reindeer, but the rituals have a charm that excites a loyalty that I don’t think Santa ever achieves. We love the Santa story, but do we love Santa? He's venerable more than loveable, sparks a wistful affection more than a playful one, engages the fancy more than the mundane sense of fun. Sinter Klaas is a man of the people.

Travelogue 1153 – 20 November
Hailstones

The gentle showers of one day turned into hail the next. I had to travel to an appointment in The Hague, and the schedule was tight. The girls had a half day at school. Between dropping the girls off and picking them up, I had only a few hours. Everything – apart from the train between Rotterdam Centraal and The Hague Centraal - I did on bicycle. In Rotterdam, I rode my own bike, of course. In The Hague, I rented a bike. All in all, I spent over an hour pedalling in the weather.

The stinging impact of stones came and went. Sometimes the ice was traded for rain. I splashed through puddles, steering with one hand into the wind as I held the hood of my rain jacket, as I made slow progress toward the dentist’s office, amazed that I would go to this effort to sit quietly in a chair for the man who would tap at my broken tooth and prod my tender gums with a metal instrument manufactured for no other purpose than to jab at people’s gums. Pain upon pain, I meditated each. This is the life we lead.

Even so, I’m also enjoying myself. There’s a spark inside, a centre that I observe, and from which I observe. There’s some peace there. When my systems aren’t flooded by anxiety, there’s some peace. I’ve become such a practiced dentist’s patient that my anxiety is quieted. The hail picks up again. There’s nothing to be done but to keep pedalling, keeping the wheel straight in the wind.

Travelogue 1152 – 19 November
Complicated Skies

Before six, a gentle rain is tapping at the window. It will be cold out. The season has turned. Yesterday was a day of complex skies. The clouds were everywhere. The sun never quite found its patch of blue because it sails so low now, but it shone through the vaporous masses and lit them with pretty pastels, linking sunrise to sunset in a way only winter can do.

Sinter Klaas is in Holland, and I’m happy to report that the girls still believe. Baby Jos complains that many of her classmates don’t. She chooses to, and I’m pleased. It’s such a sweet tradition, and I’m grateful to have one more run. Already the girls giggle at the silly romances of cartoon characters, and I cringe at the relentless approach of the great introversion called adolescence. I have enjoyed their childhood at least as much as they have.

The teenage years orient us toward humanity, toward each other, toward society. It becomes a mania that defies recovery. Most of us have marks from those years, as though we survived a pox. I have an impulse to protect my girls, a wish to protect the magical realism of kids’ days. Of course it’s futile. And I can’t say there is no beauty among the clouds. There fly there ideals and passions, insubstantial things that fuel hope and renewal among people. Those are desperately needed.

Travelogue 1151 – 16 November
Wonders

Groggy, I’m up before six. On a Saturday. I’m up hours before light on a weekend for a sport that I had never heard of before moving to Holland. Or if I had, it had made the kind of impression that my dreams made last night, leaving a kind of echo of something, a reverberation to be picked up later in another form.

It’s not enough that I’m up before light, I have to get gear ready and pack fruit for the whole team. I have to be sure the girls are dressed for their games. I have to travel with Baby Jos to the far reaches of the metropolitan area on a long tram line. We will ride all the way to the last stop. Beyond the club’s fields are only parklands and farmers’ fields.

There will be a clubhouse next to the hockey fields. I will mill around with parents, hoping for coffee, while our daughters warm up in the cold outside. Afterwards, we parents will stand in the wind together, shivering in our coats, while our teams of young girls clash on the field. Baby Jos has reached the age where games occupy the full field and one full hour. That’s a long time. There are no benches; we stand beside the field.

The clubhouse there is comfortable enough. It’s newer than our clubhouse in the city. But we have more fields. And just a week ago, the dome went up. Every winter, the clubs all play ‘zaal’ (hall) hockey indoors. The bigger clubs, like ours, erect temporary halls for the purpose, arching, white, balloon-like structures with a rectangular base fitting snugly onto one of the regular playing fields. Inside are half a dozen smaller fields with smooth flooring to make the indoor game fast.

That a building like that goes up in a few days still amazes me. Maybe it’s because I am reading a lot of medieval history lately. In a modern setting, sure, why not? There’s construction everywhere. But I can’t help imagining the wonder this place would excite among Charlemagne’s masons. That hockey zaal would instantly be the biggest single room in the county, aside, perhaps, from a few basilicas in the most important towns. The age of the cathedrals was still centuries away. They would marvel at the ceilings held high without pillars. The biggest shock would be that the room was for children’s games.

Travelogue 1150 – 6 November

Elections

I was home ill on America’s election day. It seemed only fitting. Much of the campaign season sounded like the rantings of a man with a life-threatening fever.

Somehow everyone managed to stay healthy through our trip to Venice. We wore no masks. We ate whatever we liked. I made a list of everything we tasted the first night in Venice, sitting outside at a table by a quiet canal: octopus and squid, shrimp, sardine, mussels, clams, sea bass, polenta, lasagna, and mascarpone cream. We were offered five courses, and we never hesitated. Sure, we were slow moving in the morning, but we soldiered on, stepping right out for caffè and brioches filled with marmellata to fortify our aching bellies. Then we started our tour with the Ca d’Oro and a traghetto ride across the Grand Canal to the Rialto Market.

The next day, we had an appointment in a church in Mestre, where we would attend the battesimo of a sweet little girl growing up in the Netherlands, far from the beautiful land where her father grew up.

My original home is faraway, too, in many ways. It’s become a matter of language. “He speaks my language,” Trumpistas will say. “He says what I want to say.” If so, this is a code that I find indecipherable. On the surface, it’s a hotch-potch of insults and nonsense, belligerence and incoherent parables. But underneath, there must be a powerful code. So powerful it outweighs the speaker’s character, which the most debauched Roman emperor would have described as “filthy”. If it was a smell, it would be a penny lost in Vance’s sofa. If it were a clue in Pictionary, it would be a sketch of a soiled toilet brush.

I have read that this will be the criteria of our age, not credentials but authenticity. It’s a damning indictment of traditional politicians if the huckster rings to the ear as more authentic.

We have developed – maybe through film texts – a mythos that the criminal is, at the very least, sincere. According to this strange frame of reference, being openly evil spares the individual any need for artifice. Extending that logic, being good requires artifice. That’s how the average American feels. Civility is suspicious. Better to be evil than to be false. It’s a degrading ethos to live by – made more degrading by forcing others to live under the reign of criminals.

Travelogue 1149 – 1 November
Dark Edges

The darkness over the water is eloquent. It is not silent. The water laps there; the boats’ engines roar. The darkness does not speak, but it is expressive. In the distance, the city lights are chattering. The waters are watchful, and they keep their counsel.

The evening falls quickly over the lagoon. It is autumn, and the season’s night comes on early. We have travelled across the water to the island of Murano. We sat for snacks and drinks in a square there as the day drew to a close, the sky above the piazza changing colour, becoming violet and losing its light.

Afterward, we rode the water bus back to Venice in night. The lagoon was rung round with the yellow lights of towns and roads, but the blackness ate up all the space between. Lights were reflected upon the waves, then the darkness ate them again. Ahead, Venice was sparsely underlit, as though asleep already, brick towers over the jumble of rooftops, their white stone highlights, their history, obscured by the night.

There was life in the streets. It was early. But the crowds had dwindled. The people walking had purpose, as though, night drawing on, they must get home. Crossing bridges, we came upon darkness again. Canals that featured no access, where buildings walls dropped into the water, had no lighting. Shadows fell precipitously off the bridges. Above, there were ancient buildings we passed that had no lights in any windows. Many seemed abandoned above the ground-floor shops.

La Serenissima emerges from the shadows, the ancient city still there underneath the noise of the jaundiced lights of the modern.

Travelogue 1148 – 17 October
The Dark Ages

This is the season that I forget bike lights. Spring lights have been lost. The new ones I purchase, I forget at home because the routine is still new. I don’t attach lights to my bike because the frequent rains short them out. So I find myself out without lights in the dark. Everybody else has lights. I have to watch for police, who stop cyclists and fine them.

It’s more complicated because I have bikes in two locations. My life is west; my life is east. Home and work are on opposite sides of town. I stow a bike in a free garage at Kralingse Zoom Metro Station, dry and safe. My daily bike is sturdy and rusting and carries a heavy child seat on the back. Neither have a light.

The autumn dark creeps in, and, even home and dry and safe, the night seems to become deeper. The fall brought me a long series of nightmares a few nights ago. I had eaten late, and whatever was for dinner hadn’t agreed with me. The dreams were of the sort that repeated in sickening detail, branching endlessly. At some point, my dreaming mind began to believe in hell, the visions were so convincing and so persistent. I’m sure there was never another moment in my life I took the idea seriously. The idea of hell.

In one moment of isolation in dark semi-consciousness, I could be convinced that hell was as real as, say, Mar-a-Lago, and every bit as grotesque. It’s odd to think that such a bizarre concept could find an opportunity to become real. And, yes, I am speaking here about Mar-a-Lago.

It’s astonishing that one could be so easily convinced, even in a vulnerable moment of darkness and distress, that one could be damned. Not to claim that I’m no sinner, but, really, damned forever? Suffering pain forever? As it is, twenty minutes in a dentist’s chair is enough to push me to the edge of apathy or of swooning. What is eternity?

People believed in hell for centuries. When was the first time the concept of eternal punishment appeared in a human mind? One can just about imagine it. There was no moon to make shadows. There were no clouds to obscure the vastness of the night sky, the oppressing nullity enforced upon us by the Milky Way; no psychological safety nets in place: no science, no icons of the Virgin Mary, no karaoke. Add to that intestinal distress. I should think there were many opportunities for that in prehistory. The agonies would have been as relentless as the nights. The dreams engendered would have been tortuous. The notion of hell could have risen there as organically as salmonella.

Critically, the pain somehow became wed to an idea: “I deserve this.”

In this sense, night contrasts nicely with hell. It is impersonal, and it descends without an eye for the state of my soul. The very colour of the sky changes, and we are spectators, the sinful and the pure. The blue vibrancy of the day congeals and darkens, is shot through with red, while shadows creep forward. It is quite a show. One sees it better without bike lights.

Travelogue 1147 – 7 October
The Donation of Pepin

Until 751 CE, Rome had more or less always been Roman. Rome had belonged to Rome. For a thousand years after its founding, it had been autonomous and the centre of the early Roman Kingdom, then the Roman Republic, and then the Empire. Since the late days of the Roman Empire and then under the Byzantines, who called themselves Romans, Rome had still been “Roman”. Suddenly, Rome being Roman was in question. The Lombards were at the gates; the Byzantines had been ejected from Italy.

In 754, the pope was in residence with the Frankish king. Pepin the Short was sending embassies to the stubborn king of the Lombards, who had conquered the Byzantine lands in Italy and was threatening Rome. Pepin was cajoling his own lords, convincing them that the pope’s interests were their own.

Finally, the Franks invaded in 755. They invaded again in 756. Apparently, one sound defeat each year was enough to convince Aistulf of the Lombards that the Franks were going to dictate their own terms. A treaty was signed in 756 that would become one of the foundational documents of the Middle Ages. It came to be known as the Donation of Pepin – a document that didn’t survive physically. The treaty awarded to the papacy the lands that were formally Byzantine in northern and central Italy. This was the beginning of the independent Papal States. Rome would be Roman again, this time until the nineteenth century.

Fascinating to me is the power of the Franks to make all this happen. There was no Caesar writing about the army’s crossing of the Alps. But we know that that was no mean feat; we learn that from classical authors before Pepin. The Frankish era is relatively silent; there are no epic poems or memoirs or verbose monuments. But clearly Francia was a martial power, restless and aggressive. Clearly, they had a reputation. They were intimidating. Aistulf did not need much convincing. And in another generation, Charles would simply put an end to the independent Lombard kingdom (taking the crown for himself). The Byzantines wanted to claim back the land that Pepin had rewon, but had no power to do it. They offered Pepin a fortune to return their lands, and he refused. That was that. The Franks were the new power in the West. And they would be the protector of the papacy.

Travelogue 1146 – 24 September
The House Guest

The story of the Bishops of Rome - the papacy - and the story of Northern Italy in general after the fall of the Western Roman Empire in the fifth century is bound up with the story of the Byzantine Empire and the Exarchate of Ravenna. For two centuries the exarchate stood against the Goths, first the Ostrogoths and then the Lombards. As long as the choice was between Byzantine and Gothic rule, many places were happy to be counted among the Byzantine camp, even as they effectively rebelled against Byzantine control, as the Bishops of Rome did. The petty infighting only weakened the Exarchate. In 751, the post-Roman order finally collapsed, as the Lombard king Aistulf overcame the Byzantines and ejected them from Italy. As Aistulf turned his eye on the Duchy of Rome, the new pope, Stephen II, chosen in 752, looked outside Italy for a balancing power. It’s worth noting that Stephen II was an Orsini. The Orsini were an aristocratic Roman family that would dominate Roman politics for a millennium. It seems no accident that, when Rome was being threatened, the Roman nobility stepped forward. Stephen II appealed to Pepin, the king of the Franks. It had only been a year since Stephen’s predecessor, Zachary, had approved Pepin’s appropriation of the Frankish throne.

What follows is fascinating. Stephen II asks Pepin for safe conduct into Francia. He becomes the first pope to ever cross the Alps. And for at least two years, he is a guest of the royal family while Pepin negotiates with Aistulf. He shows the Pope great honour and respect. When the Pope arrives, he receives him as a supplicant, and he leads his horse to the palace. The Pope returns the favour with many honours. He formally anoints Pepin king of the Franks, and he similarly anoints his two sons. He names all three “patricians of Rome”. These honorifics would become important in the future, when Charles became king, and when he and his descendants became emperors. Charles would have been just a boy when the pope was a house guest. Imagine the effect on him.